Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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