his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
