I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just took my morning after pill in the library
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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