in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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