this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
