the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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