I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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