he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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