I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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