We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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