My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
