that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
