I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Randomize
