Will you blow on my dice?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.