Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
