i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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