just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
