you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You were trust falling into bushes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
