maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
