he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
