It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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