Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
