Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
