i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
