me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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