All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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