it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
