you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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