11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize