I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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