She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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