Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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