Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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