So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
