I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
