Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
