he thought i was a dude.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
