Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am naked and annoyed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
