I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
