wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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