If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
