wanna go halves on a baby?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
