I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
