I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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