i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
