those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
