The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
