dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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