Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
