I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Randomize
