It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
