we're chasing vodka with high fives
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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