Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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