how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
