when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
