I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
