Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
