i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
