He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
