I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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