I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
