I'm jealous of your bromance
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We left the knife in your bed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
