Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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