Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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