i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
